
Sitting down for dinner this evening IJ remarked that sad people do not eat.
It threw me off kilter and set alarms bells ringing. Immediately I knew we needed to have a conversation I’d put off for some time; a conversation we should have had well before now, because children are incredibly perceptive. And when there are only two people in one household, the behaviour of each party rarely goes unnoticed.
But in the past I had wimped out and brushed the subject of food and eating under the carpet. The pair of us talk about anything and everything, and have done for some time, but when it comes my eating habits at least, I’ve haven’t been quite so open.
Anorexia is not a word a seven year old needs to know. On the whole it is part of my past – a large part of my part - and something I know we will discuss in detail one day, but I have been kidding myself about the number of times over the last few years when I have slipped back, if only for a day or two, and assumed she has not noticed.
I haven’t wanted to burden her with adult issues she is not emotionally equipped to handle but by not saying anything it has led her to believe that sad people don’t eat. Without realising it I have given her permission not to eat when she is sad too, which is a dangerous thought pattern for any child to be developing.
So we’ve had a talk about how people cope when they are sad. The words ‘eating disorder’ have not been used but she now understands that some people eat more when they are sad, some people eat less and for others their eating isn’t affected at all. I’ve explained that the important thing is to say how you feel rather than focusing on food or anything else.
It might be a little premature to be talking about relationships with food but the outcome of not talking, in our case, could have been far worse.
I do worry for girls (and boys) growing up in today’s society. I hope IJ doesn’t feel the pressure too much to be thin. Today has proved a reminder to me to continue having these conversations with her about life and growing up, and to remember I’m her most influential role model.
Whatever I do, she will do too, if she wants to. Some days there’s no harm in being reminded of that.
If you are a family coping with anorexia, my Brit Mums article offers 14 tips I hope will help.
Photo credit.