A happy ending

Six years ago I left the life I knew and arrived in the Midlands with a two-year-old daughter. Angry with the world, unwell and struggling to cope, I faced a choice. I could battle my way out of my hell or give up.

I gave up. Tired of fighting and battling on, the world felt a harsh and unwelcoming place to be. I’d grown exhausted with the effort of simply existing.

At rock bottom I waited for someone up come along and gather me up, but no-one came.

My anger at the world depended. My previous efforts to get some help and support have proved fruitless. I felt dismissed, unworthy and abandoned to my fate.

But only one person was really in a position to change things: Me. So I decided to fight.

I fought for a further two years for the support I needed. I got it in the end.

Therapy isn't for everyone. It's hard. It’s emotional. It’s challenging. It’s distressing. It throws you off kilter. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. It's the best thing I've ever done. It's changed my life and saved my life. It’s fascinating, it’s incredible and it’s worth it.

Now with it coming to an end I'm proud at what I've achieved and the point I have reached. It's a happy ending.

It's time up move on and stand on my own two feet. To do the things I've always wanted to do. To live the life I could never imagine I could have, that's now within my grasp. It’s there for the taking. I’ll seize it with both hands.

I'm approaching 40 and learning to live. Really live. It makes the future exciting and the past more than manageable.

The point of this post? Simply this: never lose hope.

Comments

[Tara]

High fives you Rosie Scribble you fighter you.
You are fab.

[notsupermum]

You've come a long way Rosie, it must have felt like hell on earth at times but you should be incredibly proud of where you are now. I think you're amazing. And I haven't been paid to say that x

[Crystal Jigsaw]

I so needed to read those last few words today. I really did.

God bless you,
CJ x

[Rosalind Adam]

I'm so pleased for you that the therapy has helped. Enjoy your new found life. It sounds like you deserve it.

[Rosie Scribble]

Cheers TaraLara. Your move on #wwf by the way.

[Rosie Scribble]

Love you NotSupermum. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. As you know. xx

[Rosie Scribble]

God bless you CJ. Hang in there x

[Rosie Scribble]

Thank you Rosalind. It's not an easy process but I'd recommend it to anyone if they feel ready.

[Pauline Barclay]

A post to inspire. Well done and sending all the best of luck to you. Enjoy your life. x

[bob greig]

Rosie - always lovely to read posts like this one. They give one a boost!

Two things however jumped out at me:

The words "gave up". I just wonder if it wasn't as much giving up in the active sense, as much as you and your mind and body saying "enough is enough", thereby giving you (Rosie) time to quietly sort out the future. I raise that as a question.

The second set of words to jump out came at the end: "never lose hope".

It'sone of the messages we try to give out through our work with http://www.onlydads.org/ but in the last few weeks we have encountered a couple of men who have lost the ability to even hear those words.

I'm left with another question: Why is it that some people can even lose the will to even believe in hope?

Thanks for writing this Rosie.

Bob

[Rosie Scribble]

Difficult questions Bob.

I think for many people change only happens when you hit rock bottom, and that rock bottom will be different for different people.

At that point, to fight on you need a reason to do so. For me, there must have been the very small belief that I deserved to be helped, otherwise I wouldn't have taken action.

For those who have lost all hope, sometimes the only way to keep functioning is to look at hospitalisation or medication or some form of medical intervention just to put one foot in front of the other. When people are grief stricken or they've lost everything, it will take a long period of adjustment before they are even in a position to think that life might get better. Maybe some of the men you have been speaking to are in that very situation. Some people have just experienced a loss too great.

It's a tough one and I'm not a professional, but to access help and gain some hope people have to believe they deserve it. Ultimately the decision to make long term changes has to be our own. To reach that point they need a lot of love, support and patience, or just someone they can trust on the end of the phone. Only we can change our own lives. But we need support and other people to do so.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thank you Pauline. I wanted this post to inspire people. I hope my positivity is catching. x

[Ali]

Rosie you wouldn't be the same person you are today if you hadn't trodden the same path you have.

You are an amazing person and indeed inspire us all and I also needed to read those words today 'Never lose hope' but more from the small scale of things rather than the grand one!

By the way 40 isn't to bad at all once you get there though I don't know what 41 is like but I'll keep you posted.

Glad things are coming right for you xxxx

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Ali. You're right. It's the path we have walked that forms the person we are today. And I really like that phrase. The first time I heard it it made a lot of things worthwhile.

I think life can be pretty dire at times for everyone. I wanted to show that things can get better even though we don't always see it, or believe it, at times. And I'm sure I'll need to remind myself in the future.

I'm quite okay now about the big 40. I think it would be worse if I wasn't where I wanted to be or I felt as if life was standing still. And also there's not a lot I can do about it now!

I am interested to know what 41 is like though, so do keep me posted! xxxx

[Midlife Singlemum]

Looking foreward to sharing your journey into an exciting future and reading great things.

[Older Single Mum]

Thank you for being open about this. I have enjoyed therapy on and off myself over the years and still miss it sometimes. It can make all the difference between living and thriving and feeling validated. Good for you!

[Jody Brettkelly]

That is a really really great story. How exciting that you hung on in there and there is so much opportunity. I'm at a crossroads with my life, trying to get something beyond the kids. And as grumpy as I get I know I'm the only one who can speed me on..

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Rachel. Look forward to sharing your journey too!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks OSM. Feeling validated sums it up perfectly. It makes such a difference to be listened to. Really listened to. I will certainly miss that too.

[Rosie Scribble]

Lovely Jody. It's incredibly difficult getting anything done beyond the kids, and I only have one to look after. I think things do slot into place but sometimes you do need to egg yourself on a little. I'll be reading your blog with interest over the next year to see how you're getting on.

[Emily O]

What a positive post Rosie and good for you doing it and then talking about it so openly and honestly. Personally I find parenthood the toughest thing I've ever done, I can't imagine what it's like doing it all alone like you have. And it's brave to ask for help. It's something that's so difficult to do x

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Emily. Parenting certainly is a tough job. If I had more than one then I think I'd really struggle. As it is, I do like it just being the two of us. I'm used to it I guess. As for asking for help, I wish there was more support available for those who really need it. But that's a completely different post. Hope you're starting to gain your strength back. x

[Susan Mann]

Way to go Rosie, I am so pleased you are doing so well. I spent 1 1/2 years in counselling going round in circles. It helped at the start but there was just so much I was looking for answers for, which I couldn't get there. I have been pursuing other avenues, so we'll see how that goes. Hugs and that is great news x

[Rosie Scribble]

Lovely Susan. I think it's the individual personality of the counsellor or therapist that you have to gel with for the therapeutic relationship to work. It's not always easy to find and can be hit and miss. I've seen a lot of different people over the years and in many cases made no progress at all.

I hope you are able to get the answers you are looking for. If you want me to suggest approaches I've found helpful, do let me know. Hugs to you too. xx