Book review: Where has my little girl gone? By Tanith Carey

Like many parents, the widespread availability of online pornography, the early sexualisation of children and the rise in eating disorders in young people are all areas that concern me greatly. I’m keen to keep my daughter protected without stifling her and I’m committed to giving her the tools to go out into the world prepared and educated so that she can lead the fullest life possible.  I then want her to pass the same information on to her own daughters.

Tanith Carey’s new book Where Has My Little Girl Gone? has proved an excellent source of information in my efforts to get it right for my daughter and help prevent many of the problems I know children can experience - problems that can impact on their lives late into adulthood.

This book has proved so useful to me, as the mother of an eight year old who likes to ask questions as is keen to explore the world, that I have made notes in the margin. I will be keeping it close by for future reference. It is a book I cannot praise highly enough and recommend to all parents.

As IJ gets older and starts to spend more time online, when she develops an interest in make-up and starts showing an interest in boys, I’ll be picking up this book, because it covers all these topics and more.

It is the first hands-on guide for parents on how to protect their girls from growing up too fast and includes sections on:

• How to teach your daughter to feel good about herself
• How to keep the lines of communication open
• What pornography does to children and how to protect them
• Helping girls fight back again the pressure to buy
• How to help your daughter use mobile phones safely
• Drawing the line between make-believe and make-up
• Helping girls fight back against the desire to be thin.

It includes information on how to:

• Screen out damaging messages about body image and sex from the internet and media
• Build your daughter's self-esteem so she is strong enough to deal with the pressure to behave older than her years
• Say the right things at the right time so she is inoculated against the worst influences of the X-rated society
• Steer your daughter towards positive female role models, toys and hobbies
• The book also includes information on bullying, abusive relationships, sex education, friendships, sexting, age-appropriate dressing and finding good role models.

A selection of my favourite quotes:

"A rise in eating disorders, self-harm, depression, casual and meaningless sex, teenage pregnancy and under-age drinking is a side-effect when girls judge themselves only by their appearance and their sexual experience."

"While it’s true that we can’t shield our children, we can inoculate them against the effects of what they see by explaining, appropriately for their age, what is happening all around them. By helping girls to question the pressures put on them, we really can help them work out for themselves what is good and bad for them."

"As your daughter gets older, peer pressure will play an increasingly large part in the decisions she makes. And if we try to prevent our girls from ever seeing or hearing negative influences, they will never get the chance to work out for themselves how to spot – or cope – with the dangers. We also risk their becoming so intrigue that, once they are out of our control, they become eager to try everything we’ve attempted to keep them away from."

"We also need to ask some searching, and painful, questions about where our girls are getting the idea that they need to be waxed, preened, and primped. Is it from the media, or from us – or a self-reinforcing combination of both? As we became women ourselves, in the first media-saturated, appearance-obsessed age, the growing pressure on all women to look better and slimmer was gradually insulated by the proliferation of magazines, TV shows, and movies. We have to take great care not to offload our own insecurities onto our daughters, and break the cycle before it gets reinforced again."

At the end of each topic discussed there’s a ‘What you can do’ section with practical, useful advice for both older and younger children. Advice that we, as parents, can act on to help our daughters develop into the people they are meant to be on their own terms, not the person society is dictating they become.

It is an excellent book and I highly recommend it. It is down to earth, practical and full of advice that will see help support you and your daughters for many years to come.

I received Where has my little girl gone? by Tanith Carey free of charge to review. It is available from all good bookshops priced £7.99 and it’s worth its weight in gold.

Comments

[Muddling Along]

That looks like a great read (and only £2.49 on Kindle)

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks MA, that's an excellent price!

[Baby Genie]

This sounds really good; girls grow up so young! And whilst I agree that there's nothing wrong with little girls having pamper parties and experimenting with make up young, there's still a balance and anything a parent can do to protect as well as educate them is really important. Quite relieved to have a boy!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks BG, I think it's finding the right balance that's the key as you say. My daughter was given some make up recently. She isn't that bothered about it and has only tried it on the once. I think that's absolutely fine. I think when the day comes when she wants to wear make-up to school because all her friends are then it will be a little different, or if she starts to think she isn't just right as she is. I'm trying not to think too far ahead!

[Ali]

This looks like a book every Mum of a daughter should have.

While I watch many of my daughters peers just 12 turning into girls who act and look like they are on the edge of 16 is scary.

So far I have a cool and trendy daughter who also behaves like she is 12 and yet has the wish to act like 16.

She said to me the other day "Mum I will be a adult for a long time so I am enjoying being 12 now" something maybe i have subconsciously put in her head. She right though once you grow up as a female (sorry guys!)there is no turning back.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Ali. I love your daughter's comment about being an adult for a long time. They do grow up quickly these days don't they? When my daughter gets a little older and wants to act as if she is 16 when she's not, I'm going to remind her that she will be an adult for a long time so she might as well enjoy being young and carefree with no bills to worry about while she still can!