It has been important to me, for many many reasons, to ensure that IJ grows up knowing her own mind and is confident in her ability to think for herself and make her own decisions. I’m keen for her to have a confidence I didn’t at that age and for her to be able stand up for herself and what she believes in, whatever that turns out to be.
I also want her her to feel in control of her life, to feel she can choose her own path and know she can change direction if she decides to and I’ll be there for her.
So I’m encouraging her new-found independence, letting her try new things and watching her grow in confidence. It is relief to see that she is happy and confident with no signs of the anxieties I started to develop while young.
As she starts making detailed list of all the things she thinks she needs for her eight birthday next month I am proud, astounded, moved at the journey the two of us have made together, at how far we have come since those early days when the two of us had no idea where we were going or how we would manage, or if we could even manage at all.
We’ve become a strong team, a solid little unit.
But I can’t cling on to her and keep her with me forever. It can’t remain just the two of us because at some point in the future I have to let her go.
And that letting go is starting already. She doesn’t need me in the way she used to, which is good and positive and exactly what I set out to achieve.
But some days it feels like a development that has come around all too quickly and caught me off guard.
My little girl is growing up and I’m not sure I’m quite ready for it.
It doesn't matter how old she gets you are never going to be ready for it.
Posted by: Tania @ Larger Family Life | June 20, 2011 at 08:36 PM
Oh no!
Posted by: Rosie Scribble | June 20, 2011 at 08:38 PM
I know exactly how you feel, my 8 year old is so grown up and independent most of the time. Sometimes I wish I could stop time and keep her at this age forever ;-)
Posted by: Cass@frugalfamily | June 20, 2011 at 08:47 PM
I look at my little three year ok'd in awe, wonder and fear.
Then I remember I'm nearly forty and still need my mum sometimes and I feel better!
Posted by: Surprised Zoe | June 20, 2011 at 08:47 PM
They change so much so quickly don't they? Eight definitely seems to be the start of a more 'grown-up' period I reckon.
Posted by: Rosie Scribble | June 20, 2011 at 08:51 PM
That does make me feel better. She'll still need me when she's all grown-up, just in a different way. Thank you :)
Posted by: Rosie Scribble | June 20, 2011 at 08:53 PM
My soldier boy who is almost 21 stills needs me...for laundry, food, car.... But seriously he does-he calls, he talks to us. He will even occasionally hug me.
Now my 19 year old...hugs are torture for him.
Posted by: susie@newdaynewlesson | June 20, 2011 at 09:12 PM
You get out what you put in I like to think and you adore your little one so you'll not lose her and she will always need you, but in different ways! My eldest (29) still phones,emails or texts almost every day and I know how much he still needs us in his life even though he is now happily married!!
Posted by: di.b | June 20, 2011 at 09:47 PM
You get out what you put in I like to think and you adore your little one so you'll not lose her and she will always need you, but in different ways! My eldest (29) still phones,emails or texts almost every day and I know how much he still needs us in his life even though he is now happily married!!
Posted by: di.b | June 20, 2011 at 09:47 PM
I think you do get out what you out in, and yes, she will always need me but in different ways, I agree. I like the idea of her being happily married and keeping in contact like your eldest, although I am getting ahead of myself as she is only 7, but many of these comments have been reassuring.
Posted by: Rosie Scribble | June 20, 2011 at 09:50 PM
That comment was from me not di.b. :0)
Posted by: Diney | June 20, 2011 at 09:53 PM
Ah yes, I know boys much older than that who still benefit from a laundry service at times! As long as she calls and talks to me and occasionally takes me on holiday (that might be asking a bit much), I'll be fine!
Posted by: Rosie Scribble | June 20, 2011 at 09:53 PM
Thanks Diney :)
Posted by: Rosie Scribble | June 20, 2011 at 10:00 PM
You'll never be ready for it & that's how it should be. Although she is gaining her independence every day, she will always have that link & 'come back' at regular intervals (& not just to use the washing machine!) x
Posted by: jfb57 | June 21, 2011 at 08:50 AM
Oh I hear you Rosie. My son is 8 and I'm feeling that too. I WANT to do everything for him because I'm his mum and it's in my nature to help him, but I know it's not doing him any favours for the future.
Bloody tough though eh? x
Posted by: Tara | June 21, 2011 at 09:19 AM
I'm ready for it and DD is only 2 1/2. On reflection - maybe it is because she is 2 1/2?
Posted by: Midlife Singlemum | June 21, 2011 at 10:34 AM
Since it's just been me and Kai I've been amazed and humbled at how much our relationship has grown. Even now I get the team thing, that weird kind of inter-dependence.
And as much as I'm trying to teach him about resilience and independence, as much as I'm HAVING to teach him, I'm going to struggle to let go too, when the time comes. Love to you and your beautiful girl.
x
Posted by: Josie | June 21, 2011 at 10:36 AM
Oh, I know what you mean. It doesn't get any easier the older they get. x *sobs*
Posted by: If I Could Escape | June 22, 2011 at 11:02 AM
You're right Julia. I'm not losing her really, as it feels at times, we're just entered a new, different, independent stage. She'll still come back, as you say. I'll be buying her a washing machine when she does eventually leave home though!
Posted by: Rosie Scribble | June 22, 2011 at 07:06 PM
It is tough, you're right. We want them to be confident and independent so they can make their own decisions without us. That's what it's all about, but when they suddenly do that and they really don't need your help you can feel a little bit lost. I think with the loss of that role in their lives comes a new one as they enter a new stage. Who knows what they'll be needing from us next but thankfully it's something. xx
Posted by: Rosie Scribble | June 22, 2011 at 07:08 PM
Ooh, toddlers can be very hard work and I think, from reading your posts, that DD is quite confident. There are bound to be many battles but it gets a lot easier and then the challenges are slightly different. So hang in there!
Posted by: Rosie Scribble | June 22, 2011 at 07:10 PM
You know exactly where I'm coming from Josie. It's an amazingly strong relationship that develops when there are just the two of you. I would call it a type of inter-dependence, yes. So when they suddenly start moving away from that and needing you less, it is hard. I think, for us, it's just the start of a new phase in our relationship. Much love to you and your little boy too. xx
Posted by: Rosie Scribble | June 22, 2011 at 07:13 PM
Oh no. I think I'll just have to go out and join a girl band or something to fill the void. Want to join me?
Posted by: Rosie Scribble | June 22, 2011 at 07:14 PM