Catastrophizing

I have, it seems, gone a little mad this week.

I’ve been reluctant to let IJ out of my sight. I’ve been keen to see her to the school door in the mornings, keen to be there in the evening to collect her and I’ll be the first to say I’ve been acting in a slightly over-protective manner.

At every opportunity I have been asking her if she is okay, if anything is bothering her, and generally fussing round her.

In the evenings I’ve been sitting with her until she goes to sleep, often still sitting there even when I could go downstairs and get some ‘me’ time.

Our firmly established routines have gone out of the window as I’ve let my anxieties run riot.

The reason – all the recent media coverage of the child abuse gangs in Derby – a city not far from us – and the sudden crippling fear that I do not know how to protect my own child, that I do not know what to say to her so that she remains safe and because it seems difficult for children so young to understand that there are bad people in the world when, to them, their life is one long episode of Playhouse Disney.

But I have managed to calm myself down. I’ve gathered my thoughts and realised that my overwhelming panic is helping no-one and achieving nothing. There’s a danger of me giving IJ the impression that the world is a scary place, and an even greater danger that would result in an anxious, vulnerable child which would put her at even greater risk.

So we have had a sensible, level-headed talk and I’ve told her that if she is ever worried about anything, or if something anyone does or says anything which makes her feel upset or uncomfortable, then she must tell me and I’ll listen.

Speaking in a calm and reassuring manner, she reminded me that she always talks to me and I always listen.

The two of us are doing okay.

So now I relax, take a deep breath and carry on.

Comments

[Lucy Quick]

It's totally understandable that you've been extra-cautious and worried given the situation.

However, it's sounds to me like you're doing all the right things, and perhaps more importantly you've an amazing, level-headed child there. You're doing an amazing job xxx

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Lucy, that's very reassuring. It's easy to go into a blind panic and lose perspective I think. xxx

[stigmum]

I was going to say to you, breathe! But you know it...! My week's been similar to yours, but my boy panicking and getting nightmares. We've this this now every night where he 'gives' me his worries, and I open the door to the balcony and 'give them to the world to take care of'. Only tonight, he said maybe he won't tell me things so not to worry me, and I said no, tell me everything, better out than in, then out the window! I'm with ye scribble! Well done for sharing! Take care xxx

[Mommy@Bodfortea]

The world out there is a scary place but your little one sounds level headed and self-assured, which means you're doing a great job. Over-protective? No, you're just being a Mum. And that's as it should be.

[Lorraine The Party Times]

I frequently go into a blind panic - the latest obsession being with my children's health - just in case the slightest symptom leads to swine flu I am not acting rationally but hope my fears will pass! Responsibilities of parenting and wanting to do anything and everything to protect our children!!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Stigmum. In agree, better out than in. It's hard to get the balance right isn't it. We don't want them to see us so worried that they feel they can't talk to us and end up trying to protect us instead. Takes years of practise I reckon.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Mommy@Bodfortea, I agree it's all part of being a mum and caring. Thanks for the reassurance. She seems more level-headed than me sometimes!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Lorraine, I often have the health panic too and the recent swine flu news coverage has been pretty scary. Yes, I suppose it is all quite normal to want to protect our children. All part of being a mum!

[Domestic goddesque]

Thanks for writing this: makes me glad to know I'm not the only one. I have irrational fears about raising my girls in this world all the time. But then I have an irrational fear of DH dying. And me for that matter....

[Rosie Scribble]

It's a relief to know it's not just me DG. I'm very good at getting into an irrational state and worrying myself half to death, usually when I'm overtired. Motherhood eh?!

[cass@frugalfamily]

I know what you mean - I know I need to give my 8y/o a bit more freedom but it's so hard....

[scribbling mum]

Such a fine line between preparing them but not scaring. My sister drums it into my teenage niece that no matter what, however far she thinks its gone, how much trouble she thinks she will get into, she must know that it is never too late to phone her mum to come and get her or help her. It sounds like you two are doing pretty good together, to know she talks to you is the most important thing. Man, dreading my girls growing up sometimes! ;)

[Mwa (Lost in Translation)]

Oh that sounds like too close to home for you. My anxieties can get the better of me too. I think the most important thing, as you said, is just to be there for them. Children can put up with a bit of craziness if they know they are loved unconditionally.