Lost time

One of the worst things about suffering from an eating disorder is that your life is effectively on hold. So while you’re focusing on food and thinness, the rest of the world is getting on with their lives. Growing up, moving on, living. Or so it seems.

One of the best things about recovering from an eating disorder is that you can pick your life up again and start to enjoy all the things you missed out on before. Overseas travel, weekends away, conferences, friendships and so much more, there are opportunities there for the taking.

The problem is you can’t pick your life up from where you left off. Time has moved on even you haven’t really being living it.

Those years are lost and there is no way of filling them now. If only there were.

So it’s all very well planning a career path, learning to drive and choosing a new place to live.

Except I’m not 17 anymore. I’m 37.

Nearly 40.

And it feels as if I’m in a race to do everything, experience everything and make up for lost time.

It’s exciting, invigorating and there’s so much I want to do and achieve.

Yet it’s also a little sad, and it’s exhausting trying not to dwell on all those lost years, and to carry on moving forward and looking to the future.

But only some days.

Like today.

Photo credit: bjearwicke

Comments

[Paula]

Ok, seeing as you've given me permission, here's my not quite coherent comment! I feel for you and your lost years but I'm also damn sure that the person you are owes a certain something to those experiences and you're putting them to very good use now. Also, it's funny how when you step away from something for a period of time you envisage it changing, imagine that you've missed out on so much, but really it doesn't, really everyone moves very slowly indeed because they have no idea of how precious it all really is. I'd imagine you'll cram much more into the next 3 years than most people do in 20.

Apologies for rambling. xxx

[Iota]

Someone told me the other day - and I agree - that "what next?" is better than "what if?" So true. I sometimes feel that our years here have been wasted years - when we miss another family birthday/wedding/get together, and when life seems a bit dreary. But I agree with Paula. Any experience forms you, and is part of you - nothing is wasted.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Paula. That makes a lot of sense. You're absolutely right - those experiences do form a large part of who we are, so actually there are lots of positives in there too. As @BumblingTweets said on twitter, we all lose time for different reasons. It is easy to think everyone is moving on, being successful and happy but life isn't like that. Lets cackle over coffee! xx

[Rosie Scribble]

Lovely Iota, I absolutely love the line "What next?" over "What if?" That's brilliant and really really helpful. I agree with you and Paula, nothing is wasted. Thank you. Blogging has been a bit like therapy for me this evening. xx

[Josie @Sleep is for the Weak]

It's not the same thing, but I still mourn the lost time of so many years ill. And although I'm younger I still feel that same pressure now, to GO GO GO!

And that's it really. No useful words of wisdom except "yep. Get this" and a very big hug.

Life is long and we are awesome, though, remember that :-) xx

[Hot Cross Mum]

I completely agree with all the very wise words above. Nothing is wasted - it's all part of the path we are on. Of course, some days, weeks, months, years can feel like a total and utter waste of everything, but they're not, because they drive us to reflect and refocus and look forward to - as Iota said - 'what next'. Keep looking forward missus. x

[Rosie Scribble]

Yes, life is long and we are awesome. One of those days, you know how it is. Easy to fall into a dark hole and keep looking downwards. xx
*looks up*

[Rosie Scribble]

You're right. Love the part about reflecting and refocusing, makes a lot of sense. I don't suppose I have stood still all those years, when I really think about it.
*dusts herself down and carries on*

[Mwa]

Reframe? Years that made your life now more meaningful? Years which taught you something?

[Rosie Scribble]

Mwa, your comment makes so much sense. In fact, it's perfect and exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.

[TheMadHouse]

I love Iotas what next, it is a wonderful way of thinking. One of the things I have learnt the hard way is that I am the sum of my experiances and no day has been wasted in creating the me that I am today. You are a great person and your challenges and achievements and also the dark days make you what you are

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks, Jen. I think Iota's What Next is wonderful too. Blogging is great isn't it. You write a post feeling a bit low one minute and then all these lovely and very sensible comments come through that make you stop and think, and then everything is okay again.

[Sian - Mummy-tips]

Chin up sis.xx See you in a couple of weeks. xx

[Rosie Scribble]

You're right, sis! Definitely something to look forward to. Better Google that hotel! xx

[cathy@nurturestore]

I think you talking about your experiences can have a profound and positive effect on others, so I'd say onwards and upwards x

[Rosie Scribble]

Thank you, you're right. I hadn't thought of that either. Yes, onwards and upwards x

[Emily O]

Now hang on, 37 isn't old! I know it's nearly 40 but that's not old either! Only in the past few years do I feel I've started to get on with what I want my life to be. I honestly don't know what I did with my 20s, I think many of us get 'lost' in our own way for one reason or another. I agree with the other comments here that all experiences shape you, you wouldn't be who you are today and thinking like you do if this hadn't happened to you. Personally I've learnt more from my bad experiences than my good ones. Not only do you have something else you can help others with but I also think you're a richer person for it x

[jfb57]

As others have said Rosie, it is not lost time perhaps time spent doing other things. The important thing now is to make sure you use each day how you want to. You are a strong woman who has a wonderful life ahead & who has experiences that will help forge the future!

[naomi]

I think we have all lsot time in different ways. I feel like I have lost time with my husband as I met him with little time to ourselves before having to think about children. You will have time to do all those things you want - you just have to let go of other stuff. As for the time you have lost - maybe it happened for a reason. Now get on and do all that you want.

[Rosie Scribble]

You're right, we can learn more from bad experiences than good ones and they do shape who we are today. It's easy to think everyone makes the right decisions in their 20s but I don't think that is the case now. You're right, we can all get a little lost. x

[Rosie Scribble]

Thank you, Julia. I think I was having a bit of a nagative day. You're right, there is a wonderful life ahead. I'm going to get on with it now x

[Rosie Scribble]

You're right. These things do happen for a reason and once you've worked that out you can let go and move on, which is what I need to do now, and I will. Thank you xx

[jersuji]

Yesterday was yesterday.
But, today is today.
Cheer up and keep up the good work.