The girl-boy body talk

In the next couple of weeks IJ and I need to have a talk, and not just any talk. We need to sit down and talk about the main differences between boys and girls, in a way that does not alarm her, or embarrass me, or both. And I am a little nervous at the prospect.

The reason for this is that IJ has just brought home her new topic for this term at school and it is all about people. And page eight of the booklet she has to work through is a picture of a naked boy and a naked girl. It is not very graphic. In fact, the drawing is so basic that she hasn’t even noticed any differences for herself. Yet on the following pages the words penis and vagina are introduced and this will form part of a class discussion.

So far my attempts to introduce the topic have got as far as this:

Me: IJ, do you know what the main difference is between girls and boys?

IJ: Yes, Mummy. Girls have long hair.

Me: Are there any other differences?

IJ: No, That’s it.

You see, she is slightly lacking in some much needed knowledge and I want her to hear this from me before she hears about it at school. As we live in an all-female household she may find some of the information a little surprising, maybe even alarming.

I’d like to hope that she tells me she already knows that girls and boys are biologically different but I know for a fact that she has absolutely no idea. The next couple of weeks could prove interesting.

Photo credit: owaisk_4u

Comments

[stigmum]

My son obviously sees I'm different but also has stripped naked with girls since he was very little. Let us know the comments you get from IJ. For us it precipitated the whole 'baby' talk thing...Good luck!

[Rosie Scribble]

Oh heck! I hadn't thought that this might lead on to the baby talk. I was thinking of just saying we are different and not going into any further detail, unless she asks and then of course we could be talking for a long time. I'll let you know what happens! Panic!

[muummmeeeee!]

Ah...that's the value of having a brother! Poor Meg has had Harry's willy waved in her face more times than I can mention (not in the last few years I hasten to add but when he was a toddler and had just discovered the delight of having one!)

[Rosie Scribble]

That's hilarious. What an image! It did occur to me that a brother would have come in very handy at a time like this. I have two so no such conversation was ever needed in our house!

[Magic Mummy]

I think our daughters must be around the same age as we are going through this at the moment as well.

I had a slight trauma the other night when mine asked me what sexing was! I blogged about what I should tell her and got some interesting comments about what response to give her. It's so difficult knowing how much to say isn't it?

My post is here if you want to read through some of the comments I got http://www.frugalfamily.co.uk/2010/05/the-birds-and-the-bees.html

Good luck x

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Magic Mummy, that post is really interesting and the comments have been very helpful. It has made me realise that there is information that children need to know and that it needs to be presented in a child-appropriate manner. I'm not going to make a big deal out of it and see what happens.

[Pants With Names]

We spend a LOT of time talking about how boys have willies and girls have boobs. My two regularly point out people in the street and then tell them that they don't have a willy or do have boobs. Faintly embarrassing. I guess being boys they can see how they are different to me. Being boys they also spend a lot of time talking about willies, stretching them, waving them around....

[Crystal Jigsaw]

Tell me about it. Amy, as you know, is very literal and thinks that front bottoms should now be known as vaginas. Okay, so they are, but when you're out in public and she says very loudly, "I've got an itchy vagina," it's really isn't funny.

They do biology every thursday at school and don't I know it when she gets home!

CJ xx

[Rosie Scribble]

Emily, that is hilarious on so many levels. I hope my daughter does not start pointing people out in the street and commenting on whether they have willies or boobs. We travel home on the school bus and I can imagine the embarrassement she could cause me. Suddenly I'm nervous!

[Rosie Scribble]

CJ, I'm afraid that is very funny, although probably not for you! I can imagine that Thursdays are quite an interesting day in your house. Amy seems very matter of fact about the whole thing which I think sounds quite good. xx

[Metropolitan Mum]

Without the faintest bit of embarrassment? Mhm. I don't mean to be disheartening, but maybe you shouldn't raise the bar so high... Good luck!

[Deer baby]

Where I live, she wouldn't even be able to say that about the girls being the ones with long hair! Tricky, tricky, tricky but good she hears from you first. My son, 10 and a half, will be doing the whole proper sex education thing next year. He's already brought home a brown envelope about it!!

[Armineh]

There's a book called "The Human Body" by Pascale Hedelin & Robert Barborini - Owl Press. I think it's suitable for 4+ All about the human body, not just the boy / girl differences. Has been quite useful & is a nice introduction to Human Biology. Good luck! armineh@tuptup

[Iota]

Go and browse a good bookshop. I bet there are lots of books to help out with this kind of discussion. Easier to show her a good picture than to try and describe the bits a pieces (though I'd like to hear you trying...)

Useful to have something to look at together, so then you don't have to make eye contact all the time, so if you're feeling embarrassed, she won't be so likely to pick it up.

[jfb57]

Oh I feel for you Rosie! I didn't have to have that talk with me sone but I clearly remember a sex ed lesson I was supposed to give to 13 yr olds (they left it late in those days!)

Some good suggestions here. Do let us know how it goes won't you!

[scribblingmum]

How old are they when they get THE talk in school? I can sympathise with your anxiety, I have all this to come so will keep checking in to see how it goes9. Why can't they stay babies? !

[A Modern Mother]

I think I'll take Iota's advice and look for a book to help me out ... am dreading this one! Good luck.

[Rosie Scribble]

Yes, you're right. I suppose there will be some embarrassment involved. I guess it is the start of a few awkward conversations so I better get used to it.

[Rosie Scribble]

Ooh, do let me know how your son gets on with whole sex education talk. What's in the brown envelope? Do blog about it, it will help those who have that to come. I have just given you an award by the way.

[Rosie Scribble]

Armineh, thank you very much. Your suggestion is brilliant. I think a book sounds like a good route to go down and she can refer back to it in private if she wants to.

[Rosie Scribble]

You're right, Iota. If she sensed I was embarrassed she would pick up that it is something to feel embarrassed about, so I am going to talk about it as casually as possible. We have talked a little already while I was drying her hair and it went ok. That turned out to be a good way of doing it - no eye contact at all!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Julia. I am sure it will all be fine. I think teaching sex eduation to a group of 13 year olds has to be so much worse! I have just given you an award by the way x

[Rosie Scribble]

I don't think they do sex education until they are about ten as Deer Baby's comment suggests, so we have a few years left yet. My daughter is 6 so they are just naming the body parts at the moment - which I have to say I think is enough!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks, Susanna. Armineah hss suggested a good book so I think I'll give that a try along with a few casual conversations on the subject. I've just given you an award by the way.

[Booperkit]

My 16 month old twins have always showered with us since being able to stand up, Arlo noticed I had something missing last week, gave me a funny look, then went back to plugging up the drain with his toothbrush. Job done lol.