Mummy, I cannot smile

This morning I feel heartbroken.

Today IJ is having her official school photograph taken. Usually it would not bother her but over the last few months, life seems to have been getting her down.

Despite my constant efforts to reassure her and comfort her and to encourage her to talk about how she is feeling, she still worries almost constantly, about life, about death, and about the little things that shouldn't worry her - like having her haircut, like not being quite as good at maths at her friends, like being away from Mummy for a few hours.

She is going into school anxious every morning and I am wondering if she is actually depressed, yet she is only six-years-old.

This morning she did seem brighter and more upbeat, I even commented  that it was nice to see her smiling. Maybe I jinxed it because it didn't last long. The mention of the school photograph sent her spiralling down again.

With tears in her eyes and a desperately sad look on her face, she said, "Mummy, I don't want to have my photograph taken. I cannot smile because I am sad."

And suddenly I felt my world crumble around me.

Comments

[Dawn]

Poor you and IJ - she certainly does seem to be having a hard time at the moment. Is there someone she can talk to? a school counsellor or an aunt or family fried? You seem to have done so much to put her mind at ease it's heartbreaking that she's feeling like that

[TheMadHouse]

Oh both of you seem a little bit down at the moment. Have you considered family councelling or talking to someone about this. Perhaps IJ doesnt wasnt to say too much to you, as she loves you and is protecting you. Doesn she had a teacher she can talk too?

It is so sad when your child is sad. I hated seeing the boys suffer wehen I was ill, it broke my heart

[Rosie Scribble]

I've heard mention of a school counsellor, that is certainly something looking into. It does seem as if she needs some additional support at the moment. Thanks x

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks TheMadHouse, I'm going to get some advice and see what support is available. She been worrying since the New Year so it's been going on for a while now and of course it is dreadful to see your own child suffering, as you say.

[Emily Vest]

Oh Rosie, that must break your heart. Occasionally Adam tells me that he has bad energy today and it just makes me want to cry.

I think the ideas about seeing if there is someone else that IJ could talk to about her worries and her concerns is a good one. I hope you find someone that you both like soon.

Big hugs. xxx

[Mwa]

Oh no!

Have you talked to the school? My son is a worrier, too, and it breaks my heart. However, sometimes he will come up with such things because it "works" with me - it gets him more attention than being happy. (Not suggesting this is what IJ is doing - just that I hadn't seen that one coming myself.)

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks, Emily. I'm going to see what is available for her and whether that is what she needs. I'm not sure how easy it will be to find someone but it has to be worth investigating. xx

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Mwa, I'm going to talk to her teacher and get some professional advice too. I'll have a chat with her again tonight and see if she is able to explain what's on her mind x

[Ellen A]

Poor IJ and poor you. It's tough for you both. I'm sure you're far to wise and sensible to need any advice from me - - just ehugs. x

[Dan]

Yes, I think it's probably about time to have her see someone. Maybe go to the GP and talk about seei g someone from CAMS?

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks, Dan. I'm so pleased you have commented because it means the call I have just made regarding such a referall was exactly the right thing to do. So thank you, your advice is always appreciated.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Ellen and thanks for the ehugs. I think things are going to get sorted, there are always solutions to problems like these.

[Nappy Valley Housewife]

It breaks my heart to read your post--it makes me feel sad that it's happening to your 6-year-old who I don't even know and it breaks my heart when I see it in my own girls. I agree that a counsellor is a good call---especially at this age---gets a little tougher in the teenage years. But maybe just someone on the outside to talk to might help her. Girls are both fragile and resiliant. Good luck.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks NVH, I think she does need someone on the outside to talk to. She does talk to me but I think she needs someone else too that she can trust, and at times I feel helpless as to what to say or whether I am even saying the right thing. You are right - it would be easier at this age than in her teenage years. If there are issues she needs to deal with, I'd rather nip it in the bud now than allow it to fester.

[Lynn]

She definitely needs to get it out. It's probably something which has become huge in her mind but is much smaller an issue in reality. Poor little mite!

[English Mum]

Oh lovely girl. Big hugs to you both. My little one had a real wobble in Ireland, and I remember dropping him off every morning at school with us both in tears. It wears you down, and as the others say much more eloquently than me, it's time to share the burden, dear heart. Let us know how you get on x

[Metropolitan Mum]

I am so sorry to hear that. Good luck with looking into support - I hope you'll find somebody who can help IJ to stop worrying. xxx Deborah

[Susan Mann]

Awe that is so sad. I wish I could help. I think couselling would help, they are speciallised in children so they might be able to get out what is really bothering her. Hugs to you both. xx

[Dulwich divorcee]

Big hugs to you both. My girls both saw a counsellor after the divorce and found it really helpful, I'm sure IJ will too xxxx

[Wendy Mallins]

Oh no! Poor little thing! What a heartbreaking statement! Like the others I think it's probably best to speak to GP/Counsellor just to try and get to the bottom of why she feels so sad - and for some advice for you on ways in which you can help her!

[If I Could Escape]

Hugs to you both. My oldest was forever putting the weight of the world on his shoulders. He would worry about what I thought were the strangest things until his teacher said she wanted to test him for the local school's gifted program. Apparently, these are signs of a gifted child. Perhaps this is the case with IJ and you should see about having her tested. Hope that helps.

[Selina Kingston]

Oh I'm so sorry. But like everyone says and as you have decided to do, it looks like counselling could be the best and will offer you support knowing that that there is an expert who can help her find herself a bit. Are you OK? Your last post touched me deeply. Big hug to you and a lovely warm cuddle to IJ xx

[notSupermum]

I'm so sorry IJ is feeling so sad. My elder daughter, The Teenager, used to be like that when she was about IJ's age and it was mainly because she is/was a very sensitive girl. She just *felt* everything so much more, and life weighed heavily on her.

I'm glad you've made the decision to ask for support for her. I did the same with The Teenager and it really did help her to find strategies to help her cope with life.

Good luck, I hope everything turns out okay for you both

p.s. you're such a good mum :-)

[nappyvalleygirl]

That's so sad and it must be really worrying. I think it's good that you have decided to get her to talk to someone else, as perhaps it's an issue that she doesn't want to worry you with? Best of luck.

[Insomniac Mummy]

Oh Rosie, I wish I could give you both a hug in real life.

I hope you can get some support really soon.

Sending you and IJ lots of love.

xxx

[Gappy]

Yes, ouch.

That is extremely hard for a parent to hear. Has this just come up out of the blue over the last few months, or is it more of an on-going thing?

It sounds as though you are doing all the right things, after all you know your daughter better than anybody eh.

Make sure you don't neglect your own need for support. My eldest son can be quite up and down too, and it can really tear you apart.

[Emma]

Gosh, there is nothing worse than your children being upset. Fingers crossed that you soon get it sorted out and IJ feels happier.

[Rosie Scribble]

I agree. Little things can seem huge when you are only six. I am sure it will be easily sorted in time x

[Rosie Scribble]

IJ seems to be highly sensitive too, she's quite a deep thinker.

Thanks for the PS. I'm not feeling quite like that at the moment, has to be said.

[dulwichmum]

Rosie lovely friend,

This sounds crushing for both of you. I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug.

[Magic Mummy]

Hi Rosie, I've just found your blog and couldn't not comment on this, it must have broken your heart to hear her say that.

My little boy is four and he went from being very outgoing to very quiet when he started full time school. He would always look so sad and would cry on a morning before school - it was awful.

I went in to see his teacher who was lovely, very supportive. She said she had noticed a difference in him and was making a special effort with him to involve him more in everything as he developed a tendancy to step back as he was scared of doing something wrong. She told me that he was a sensitive soul but that with encouragement he would settle down.

He isn't back to his old self yet but he's very nearly there.

You sound like a really good mum and I'm sure that you can work through whatever it is that's bothering her together x

[veryanniemary]

Have you talked to her teacher?
My 10 year old is an anxious girl too, the school counsellor told me that while the school allows children 2 weeks to settle down, some children take as long as 9 weeks.
She also told me to see our doctor as that is the place to start. Of course, this is the US, things may be different in the UK

[snafflesmummy]

Huge hugs to you both. I hope you can figure it out with her soon and that she can smile again.

[SandyCalico]

I'm so sorry I'm late commenting. Sending you both (((HUGS))) x

[Barbara]

I'm even later, I'm so sorry. This must be such a worry for you. I won't add to the advice above but virtual hugs and chocolate cake to you. You are such a good mum, I feel sure that with you by her side she will be ok.

[E]

My six year old son and I are having counselling at the moment. We're finding it helpful, I hope you have the same success because it's absolutely heartbreaking to hear your children say things like that xx