One little girl asking for help

At the end of a very long week, a lot has changed in the Scribble household. It all began when my happy, over-excited, delightful six-year-old daughter suddenly became demanding and difficult.

It has not been the weather and the uncertainty over whether she will get to school or not and see her friends, as I originally thought it was. It has not been the fact that we have been stuck indoors a lot and at times it has been quite tedious.

There has been a lot more going on in her little mind than I realised. It has taken several days for the penny to drop, but thankfully it has although I should have picked up on the cues she was giving me a lot earlier than this.

Suddenly the child who has no problems getting to sleep just could not settle; she did not want to be left alone. She constantly got out of bed and tantrumed at the top of the stairs well into the night. It almost drove me to distraction. I'll admit, my reaction was one of annoyance and frustration. I thought she was just behaving badly.

Then the child who usually eats reasonably well decided she had little interest in food and kept changing her mind about what she wanted for dinner. I would supply her with several options which she would then not bother eating anyway. Again, I couldn't understand her behaviour and reacted with frustration.

Then came the line: "I want to be a baby." And the line came over and over again.

I couldn't understand it. I explained to her that she would always be my baby but she was also six now. That meant she needed to dress herself like she had been doing until the start of this week, she needed to continue sleeping in her own bed; she couldn't suddenly demand to sleep in mine, and she needed to listen to me, because she had not been listening.

But here's the thing - I was the one who had not been listening.

The thumb-sucking, the constant statement: "I want to be a baby" and the cries for me at night were her way of telling me something was wrong. At six-years-old she can't sit me down and explain what is bothering her, so she has to show me through her behaviour instead, which was exactly what she was doing.

Except I missed the cues. I just thought she was behaving badly and being deliberately difficult which she does do at times.

IJ has been asking a lot of questions recently about life, the world, growing-up and our own family circumstances. And I have been doing my best to answer them and reassure her and tackle the endless questions that have then followed. But clearly I have given her a lot to think about and digest and come to terms with and she has been finding this difficult.

She doesn't want to be a baby; she wants to be held and cuddled and reassured that the world is not the scary place she is imagining it is right now, that I'm here for her and we will wade through all this stuff together.

So if I'm not here, it's because I'm elsewhere. I'm looking after my 'baby'.

Comments

[Pippa]

You worked it out though and that is the important thing. Give her a hug from me too.

Oh and here is one for you .

[Victoria]

It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job. She is very lucky to have a mummy who understands her so well x

[Maternal Tales]

Awww - little sausage. She'll always be your baby. Well done for picking up on the signs. She's very lucky to have you x

[Christie]

Poor little thing, so glad that she has you to answer her questions and reassure you. Maybe try some relaxing kids guided meditation (you can get them on CD) to help teach her to relax and switch off? Just an idea.

[Laura]

Arrrgh, left a message twice only for soemthing to eat it.

It was something along the lines of ..

I go through this regularly with my 5 year old. I find it really frustrating. It takes a while for the penny to drop, as it were. I'm not psychic, I wish I was, life would be so much easier. This parenting lark is hard!

... or something like that. Of course the first and second versions were far more exciting.

[English Mum]

Aw, bless her. I find it's the same even as they get older - something's bothering them and it always seems to manifest itself in stroppiness or picky eating or whatever. But everyone else is right - you picked up on it, which is the main thing. She's a lucky girl to have such a fab Mummy x

[Online Mum]

What an understanding Mummy you are! She is a lucky girl. The cuddles will do you both good. x

[Insomniac Mummy]

Just dropping bu with a couple of (((Big Hugs))) for you and IJ.

xxxx

[Insomniac Mummy]

...or even by.

;)

[TheMadHouse]

Hugs from me, children are so perceptive and pick up things really easy. Lots of hugs and reassurance does help. We went though similar when I was ill with maxi and mini. I have tagged you over at mine.

[Mwa]

Awww. Good for you for working it out anyway. I like that part of the job best: being able to be an anchor to my children.

[Liz (LivingwithKids)]

Good for you - it's brilliant that you're able to communicate with each other so well. xxx

[Cafe Bebe]

Oh, bless Rosie...you'll get it sorted. Some quality time with Mummy is just what the doctor ordered. Twitter will survive without you for a while as long as you keep blogging lovely posts like this one. Take care of you and IJ!

Love- Karin

[Stigmum]

Aaaah, the both of you. My son's been doing the baby thing alot alot alot and it does wind me up even though, more fortunate than you, I got clues when his dad's girlfriend (now wife) had her first baby. Our children will always be our babies! Lucky us! Though I have to admit I do occasionally ask my boy if he can tell me what he tells me in a 'normal' voice..! Enjoy all the hugging!

[amanda]

wow, my 3 year old daughter is asking the exact same way, I thought it was just jealousy over her little brother but maybe its more.
She asked me if she was a FAT girl yesterday(she isn't) OMG she's only 3. I think our children are sometimes bombarded with too much world information, and will be taking time to take it slowly to try & find out what's behind her behaviour.
Thanks for a great post Rosie.
Amanda.x.

[Heather]

I can feel her pain. there are days when i feel like this too. Wish someone would pick me and hug me and make everything alright. You did a great job of understanding her, just realising that there is more to it that mere bad behaviour is a stage many don't get to.

go enjoy your cuddles. x

[Nickie]

"Growing up" is so difficult and in the first few years, the little ones have such a lot to take in. Lots of hugs are prescribed I think and lots of "mummy & daughter" time.

[Tara@Sticky Fingers]

Ouch! I'll bet the mummy guilt kick you right in the belly there.
Kudos to you Rosie for recognising the signs and making the decision to put it right. Best of luck x

[angelsandurchinsblog]

A timely reminder for all of us to actually listen. Clever you working it out, though, it's so hard to decode at times. Thanks, as ever, for a thought generating post. If you have a second, there's a tag with your name on over at ours.

[Selina Kingston]

And that's the most important place to be. Hugs to you. You both
have a great relationship x

[Mummy Mania]

ah good for you.... it's funny how we rarely read them immediately. An abrupt change in behavior can be very confusing and upsetting for us, never mind them..... but like everything with parenting - we learn. Poppy changed her habits very suddenly - refusing to eat, refusing to sleep - after a week of shouting and punishing, she broke out in spots. She had chicken pox. oops! At least now you know, and like you say, devote the time she needs. we all need a cuddle from time to time.

[Jo Beaufoix]

Awwwww. Hugs to IJ and to you my lovely. I remember Miss E doing this, and Miss M does it at the moment too, often after bath time when she wants to be wrapped up and carried like a baby. Bless. You are a fab Mummy sweet. x

[Chic Mama]

I have a six year old too who is behaving the same way. She wants to be a baby like 2year old. She loves her cuddles and I'm probably not giving her as much attention as she needs. :0(
I hope your little one feels better soon. x

[Tim (aka The Dotterel)]

You know, the big mistake we all make is thinking 'growing up' is some sort of linear process, or a game where once you get beyond a certain square you can't go back. Whereas life is like a game of snakes and ladders: you move up, then down; forward, then back. IJ's just reacting normally to having thrown a double-six.

[A Modern Mother]

Sweet. You are one tuned in mother, well done for recognising this.

[MumsRock]

Interesting...we've got this all to come but having had definite backwards steps this week through various things, I can see how Tim's snakes and ladders analogy is so apt. And they're all right you know, you've got one lucky kid there! x

[Geekymummy]

Sweet! 6 is just a baby really, in many ways.

[Working Mum]

Bless. But you did work it out in the end. I agree with the Dotterel, sometimes children need to go backwards. I know this from the teenagers I teach who want to be grown up, but just want be looked after from time to time. I hadn't thought of it applying to younger children though; will watch out for it with my daughter.

[Muddling Along Mummy]

I hope you're all doing ok - you worked it out in the end and will be there to cuddle and reassure here, what more could you do ?