I have banned my child from doing her homework

Sometimes I get a bit hot under the collar, stamp my foot and decide that whatever I have been told to do - I'm not doing it.

Then I wonder why my six-year-old daughter does the same.

However today, once again, I have decided there are a few things that our little family will not be doing, for one day at least.

Here's the list:

• IJ will not be doing any homework
• IJ will not be watching Newsround
• IJ will not be looking at her school reading book
• I will not be discussing keywords and spellings with IJ
• I will not be testing her on her addition and multiplication
• I will not be helping her to practise her alphabet
• We will not be doing anything related in any way to education
• We shall only be doing fun things

Why?

Because a mother knows when her child is under stress, when she has had enough and is over-tired and over-sensitive, when being asked to watch the news will only add to her current anxieties, when number work at school is getting her down to the point where she can't sleep at night, when the pressure to practise her reading every night is getting her down, when it is all becoming too much.

A mother knows when her child needs a night off, a break from it all, and when a dose of fun takes priority over homework.

So here's what we will do instead:

• We'll close the curtains, turn off the lights and turn the front room into a cinema
• We'll watch a brand new DVD, possibly Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs as recommended by A Modern Mother
• We'll eat party food followed by chocolate cake
• We'll cuddle up on the sofa
• We'll shut out the rest of the world
• We'll forget about school
• We'll forget about everything else
• We'll have some fun

And I'll hope for a calmer more relaxed child tomorrow.

Comments

[Kath@Parklover]

Ooo, that sounds like a lovely evening and I think you are absolutely right.Your daughter won't be learning if she's stressed. Learning should be fun, especially when you're 6!

[Metropolitan Mum]

Sounds like a great idea. Tomorrow will be a brighter day, I am sure. xx MM

[marcy]

I think that you have hit it right on the button, i often do the same with my children and when asked 'what will i say to the teacher' i reply 'TELL HER THE TRUTH '. We as adults need time off, so at 6 its even more important.

[Sally Whittle]

Fab post. Flea never does homework. Ever.

At this age (and 6 just as much as 4, I think) school is just one part of a child's life. Sure, it's important but so is going to the beach or riding her bike, or watching a movie, or swimming, visiting friends, or just creating a toy mountain on the rug (which Flea spent an hour doing last night. She's weird, what can I tell you).

I've always been very honest with Flea's teacher and said that when she's older if she isn't keeping up, then I've no objection to a reasonable level of homework but that I don't agree it's useful for primary school children and we won't be doing it. That way, it's not Flea's choice or issue to deal with - the teacher is very clear it's a choice that I've made.

[Rosie Scribble]

Sally, I agree completely. In fact, I remember actually asking for some homework from school when I was nine years old. We were never given any, it just didn't happen in the late 1970s, and I actually enjoyed maths (odd as it may sound now). Maybe it is school targets that have changed the way today's education system seems to be working.

Like you, I want my daughter to be creating things, playing with friends and having fun. Last night she sobbed for two hours about her numbers group. That is why I got fired up and wrote this post because I can't have her that distressed over school work aged just 6! (Actually, I did have a quiet word with her teacher today and told him she had been upset, I couldn't walk away without mentioning her distress). He is going to talk to her. We'll see what happens.

[TheMadHouse]

I think that is a huge amount of work for a six year old. Great post. We dont do much home work with maxi and I chose wether to do the weekly project. I dont let him watch the news and would not let him next year either.

Enjoy your girls night!

[Stefanie]

Sometimes they need a day off school.if you are a sahm (like me) it is easy to say.you are too tired to go i declare a pyjama day instead. we have reading, spelling and words for our homework (she is 6 also) i think that your school is giving your daughter an awful lot for a 6 yr old.
good for you.
lets us know about the meatball film

[Laura]

We have reading and spellings at the moment (she's 5 and a half). Reading two books and learning 10 spellings is fine because she does it at her own speed over the week. She chooses when she wants to read to me and when she wants to do her spellings. ... and she enjoys it. But, anymore and I think it would be too much.

She has so many other things to do, chasing her brother, feeding her Nintendogs, scooter riding, making dens, watching films.

Your plans sound perfect. Let me know what the film's like.

My 5 year old is particularly sensitive to stress at the moment (that's a whole other story) so like you I'm trying to recognise the signs and act on them.

[Catherine]

Sounds like a brilliant evening. Couldn't agree with you more, am not a fan of structured homework for younger kids. Hope you both have a fabulous time. Enjoy.

[Mwa]

Absolutely!

[Very Bored in Catalunya]

That's crazy that she is getting so upset about the amount of work she is expected to do at aged 6. School should be fun at that age. Good for you for having a fun night. xx

[nappyvalleygirl]

That sounds very sensible. There is absolutely no need for her to feel pressurised at her age.

Enjoy Meatballs - we all did!

[Emily Vest]

And popcorn. Make sure you have popcorn!

[Karin @ Cafe Bebe]

You've inspired me Mrs...My Little Miss isn't even two...she learns from everything around her...not from lessons per se. It never occured to me that you could say NO to your child's assignments! I like it! I want Little Miss to learn in a productive, comfortable way...not be dictated to and measured. Maybe we need to move?

So glad you're having a great evening watching a super film. Hope you have a wonderful time. I'm sure IJ will glow afterward! Lucky girl...both of you.

:) Karin

[Kerri]

Soooooooooo healthy. Great choice. And smart of you to notice it was needed. I read a story online recently (can't remember where) about a family that decided their son was never, ever going to do homework. They consistently explained their policy to teachers & administrators, and never gave the school an option. Just said, 'this is the way it is with our family.' And the kid graduated! Radical. Cool. Brave.

[A Modern Mother]

Great post! There are some links on my post to colouring pages -- did you see them (hidden at the bottom).

And I hope that mummy can ban things when she gets stressed too!

[Muddling Along Mummy]

That sounds like an awful lot for a little person to do - I hope that she is happier and more relaxed tomorrow

[Barbara]

Good for you. It sounds like she needs a break and it sounds like a ridiculous amount of homework for a 6 year old. In fact, plain daft I think.

I hope you enjoy/enjoyed your evening.

[Pippa]

Good idea, I am sure that you help her enough in the normal everyday routine that she doesn't need to worry about homework once in a while!

Oh and make sure that you can watch a film after she has gone to bed too!

[Dr.Leah www.singlemommyhood.com]

I got emotional reading this post. I used to do exactly the same things when my kids got stressed out from school. When my little girl was crying about her kindergarten homework ...wake-up call!

We used to take "mental health days" together ...my daughter, my son, and me. And we'd snuggle, eat what we felt like eating, and just be present with each other. My "babies" are grown-up now, but these wonderful family times are well remembered and cherished.

Thank you for helping me remember good times with my kids. And for opening up a such an important conversation.

[Nina]

Wow, they expect 6 year olds to watch the news?! Makes me glad I live in Sweden. Here they don't even start school until they are 7. Anyway, sounds like you are a great Mum and your little one is very lucky!

[1 Husband, 2 Kids]

Completely agree. Having only recently entered the whole world of school I am in slight confusion about the fact that classroom activities seem to have changed from everyone sitting at desks getting facts relentlessly drummed into them to 'skills based learning' which often means play... which I'm entirely in favour of for my 4 1/2 yr old... whilst the introduction of homework at such a young age seems destined to change after school time from a relaxing chance to play / see family / do whatever you want to into a mad clamour to complete the school's demands as well as feed, bath, cuddle and play with your child. You are so right to take a stand.

[Sara Bennett]

Great idea! Now, if only every other parent would do the same, we could get rid of homework altogether for young children and everyone would be better off. And, if you feel the need to back up your good common sense with facts, please take a look at my book, The Case Against Homework, or the FAQs on my website, stophomework.com.

[Natalie]

I think you're brilliant and even though I haven't got kids at school yet, it's this very thing that I've been worried about. Thanks for writing this - I shall be printing this out and showing it to the boyf who thought I was mad to be worried!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks for your comment Kath. You are absolutely right, learning should be fun especially at primary school age.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks MM. Today she is so much happier. My relaxing evening with her certainly had the desired effect!

[Rosie Scribble]

I do the same, I tell my daughter to tell her teacher the truth. I'm sure many teachers would fully understand the reasons why, on occasions, homework does not get done.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks. Six-year-olds need to be having fun and not be put under extreme pressure bu homework. I don't let me daughter watch the news either. Some members of her class may be emotionally mature enough to cope with Newsround but she isn't just yet.

[Rosie Scribble]

Pyjama days sound a good idea. The film was very good, quite an original plot line. My daughter is alot more relaxed today after our night off.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Laura, at the end of the day we are the ones in the best position to recognise signs off stress and, like you, I work hard to recognise them and act on them. At six they should be playing and having fun, there will be many homework years ahead!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Catherine. We had a great evening and my daughter went to school so much happier today. Relief all round!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks for your comment. I agree, school sould be fun at that age. Six is far too young to start hating school and feeling under pressure with homework.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks, we enjoyed Meatballs too and suddenly my daughter is keen to eat more healthy food! Result!

[Rosie Scribble]

We opted for chocolate fingers in the end! Lovely!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks, Karin. IJ is so much happier today. The film was really good and we both benefitted from a relaxing night off.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Kerri. My daughter was getting so stressed that it was clear she needed a break. It seems to have worked. She went to school so much happier this morning, which makes me so much happoer too. Hate to see her distressed about school when she is only 6.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Susanna, I've found the links, we will be enjoying some relaxing colouring after school this evening!

[Chic Mama]

I hope you had a lovely evening. I really really want to watch that film! ;0)

[Rosie Scribble]

Many thanks for your comment. In fact we watched DVDs for two days in a row and did no homework whatsoever. She is like a completely different child now which is a huge relief.

[Rosie Scribble]

Too much homework at that age is daft, I agree. She will have plenty of tough homework years ahead. I remember all that in secondary school. She should be having fun now. We did enjoy our evening, thanks!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks, she felt much better after a night off homework. I then relaxed with Slient Witness which gave me nightmares! I should probably stick with kids' DVDs!!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks for your comment. So many people seem to be agreeing that it is pointless a child getting so stressed about homework aged 6. In fact, the more I think about it the more daft it seems that they are under pressure from such a young age. There are better things to be doing at this age surely? As my daughter is an only child I see it as hugely beneficial for her to be playing with friends after school rather than being stuck in doing sums all evening. And friendships teach much needed social skills too!

[Rosie Scribble]

Your children don't start school untul they are seven? How fascinating. I hadn't realised that. I'm off to investigate the Swedish education system. I'm intrigued. Thanks for your comment.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks for your comment. I am starting to wonder how the introduction of SATS has altered education in the classroom. My daughter takes hers next term which, to be frank, I think is ridiculous as she is far too young and does not need that pressure. And I agree, after school time should be for relaxation and play. Often primary school children are exhausted after a full day of school. Sitting them down at a table to work seems cruel in fact.

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks for your comment, Sara. I had not heard of your website but I will certaining take a look. Sounds very interesting!

[Rosie Scribble]

Thanks Natalie. I think as long as you can recognise when homework is stressing a child, then you can take action whether that means giving them a night off or raising the issue with their teacher, but you're not at that stage yet so I wouldn't start worrying just yet!

[Rosie Scribble]

We did have a lovely evening, thanks. We have watched the film twice now. I'd recommend it!