Would you talk to your children about child abuse?

There has been some discussion in the blogosphere recently on the subject of child abuse. It is not easy reading of course, but it has grabbed my attention. Naturally, we all want to protect our children. I am wondering what is the best way to go about it.

There has been much coverage in the news recently of a female nursery worker abusing children. It has all been very shocking. IJ, aged six, has accidentally overhead some of the news coverage. Thankfully it goes straight over her head, she has no understanding of the topics being discussed and has asked no questions.

But I do want her to have an awareness, to an extent, of the unpleasant things that go on in the world. My view is that an uneducated child is a vulnerable one.  I plan to sit down and talk to her in the next couple of years about the dangers out there.

I don't plan to use words like 'child abuse' and I would have no intention of giving her any explicit details. But I would want her to know that there are people out there who are not kind to others, and I would want her to know what behaviour is acceptable from others and what is not.

This isn't to scare her of course. I want her to be able to recognise acts that are wrong. Maybe some children would be able to know instinctively if something does not feel right, but I'm not sure that all would so I don't want to take the risk. It feels like my job to provide her with some education in this area.

What do you think?

Comments

[Mwa]

That's a tough one, but I agree with you.

[Tim]

Absolutely, Rosie. If you don't like knowledge, try ignorance as someone once said. It's rarely, if ever, bliss. A few of years ago when Madeleine McCann went missing it was the talk of my daughter's playground. It was hard to talk openly and honestly about the case, to reassure my daughter's fears and to explain some of the why's and what-if's but I had to do it. Who said parenting was easy?

[Very Bored Housewife]

I whole heartedly agree. Children need to know what is unacceptable behaviour from adults towards them, I plan on telling Joseph the minute I think he is old enough to understand.

[notSupermum]

It's a very difficult subject but one that needs to be discussed with children. I started talking to mine about it when they asked questions, or when I needed to explain my reasons for being so safety conscious. Using age appropriate language so they would understand my concerns, I told them as much as I felt was necessary without trying to scare them. They asked me questions too, and I tried to answer as honestly as I could.

I think you're right to talk to IJ about it. Good luck. x

[Dan]

I was thinking about this yesterday actually

I intend on having a talk with Amy about how she can tell me anything and won't hate her.

One thing abusers do is make the child believe that if they tell an adult about the abuse then the child or the adult will be hurt or hated in some way. I want to make sure this wouldn't work against Amy.

The vast majority of abuse against kids is by someone they know. I've met hundreds of people who were abused, but none who were abused by a stranger. I trust everyone I know, but so did the parents of those people I imagine.

Depressing.

[Rosie Scribble]

Mwa, thank you, it's nice to know I'm not getting it dreadfully wrong.

Tim, I agree. being ignorant of those things can be dangerous. IJ was too young to understand about Madeleine McCann, but it may be something we need to discuss some day.

VBH, Thanks for reassuring me I'm doing the right thing in my plans to talk to IJ.

nonSupermum, I think appropriate language is key, as you quite rightly say.

Dan, many thanks indeed for your input. I know this is something you have dealt with on a profesional basis and your insight is invaluable.

[Jo Beaufoix]

You know my take on this Rosie. Like you I want to give my kids enough to keep themselves safe. Dan's comment got me. That's exactly what I say to E. That she can tell me anything and I will always love her and believe her. And that once we know things we can help.

It's a huge subject but IJ is a clever girl and will take in what she needs. Hugs.

[Anon]

I think the others have said it all. IJ definitely needs to be aware that adults are not always nice, but using age appropriate language. I was indecently assaulted by my babysitter's boyfriend when I was 12, but I told my mum as soon as she got home and she called the police. I knew that I could tell her anything even though this was embarrassing.

[Rosie Scribble]

Jo, yes the important thing seems to be that they know they can talk to us about anything, and we will be able to listen.

Anon, thank you so much for your comment and for disclosing such an awful incident. This brings home the point that children so need to be aware of the dangers out there and that as parents we need to be approachable. That way they can turn to us if things go wrong, exactly like you did.